Germany-Spain: I've Heard the Moose's Cry

Vienna, 11:36 a.m.

It has now been 25 days since I stood on Canadian soil. That's enough time to forget a lot. Thankfully, I have the Swiss and Austrian travel agency window displays to remind me.

Gazing into them as I pass by, it's now easy to remember that Canada (which is always partnered in these ads with Alaska, as in, 'Visit Canada and Alaska'. Remember the last time you passed through Alaska on your way to work? Yeah, me, too.). Canada is a land full of moose. Moose as far as the eye can see. Why, you can't mow your lawn without pushing a few of the obstinate buggers away from your hedgerow. Canada - Where You Are Lulled to Sleep at Night by the Screeching of Turning Streetcars and the Lowing of the Abundant Moose.

Actually, as far as I knew, the average interaction most Canadians have with moose is frantically swerving to avoid them on the road in cottage country. Boy, those Swiss and Austrians must be disappointed when they get to Canada.

"Is that a moose?"

"No, that's a raccoon."

"Is that a moose?"

"That's a fire hydrant."

"Where are all the moose?"

"In Alaska."

"Isn't this Alaska?"

"This is Leslieville, pal."

Sigh.

Lots of Spaniards and Germans heading into town now ahead of tomorrow's finale. They're still being outpartied by the Russians, who apparently refuse to go home now that they've all managed to get visas. As I walked down the Karntnerstrasse yesterday, a throbbing pedestrian drag, a platoon of beefy Russians had staked out some prime real estate. They were guzzling vodka and inviting every lithesome young lady who passed to join them. And some of these Viennese women can drink. A few hours later I walked back up the Karntnerstrasse and they were still there, looking a little blurry around the edges. But they still had plenty of vodka left.

After blogging about my hairdressing experiences in Zurich, it's only fair that I subject Vienna to the same scrutiny. Was pointed toward a nice men's barbershop around the corner from my hotel. No open beer bottles. No illegal wagering going on. All good signs.
For the first time I can remember in a long time, my barber was a 20-something woman. Very pleasant and accommodating. After hellos from my poor arsenal of German, I motioned that I wanted my head shaved with the clippers. "Yes, too much work with the scissors," she said, looking at my stubble. It took me a beat to realize that was a joke. I have been humour deprived, people.

She set to her task. Then at one point, she began clipping my sideburns. She started slowly moving down my face and spread the collar of my shirt. And then she began trimming my chest hair. I froze like Sean Connery watching the laser's approach. I suppose this is the level of service you get in Vienna for 16 Euros, but it felt slightly indecent.

"Why didn't you just whip off you shirt and have her do the whole thing?" Renata smarmed after I told her. Is that comment working on two levels? Never mind. I think that would have been extra in any case.

C.K.

Comments

[Kregg]

Love your blog keep up the great work!

Hafta say I was a bit puzzled by your article on Arshavin though. He maybe overhyped but the transfer fee he is looking for is a drop in the pond compared to the amounts that are garnered by other major busts in football. Aka Mr. Shevchenko...

[Beat]

Hey, what's the problem with moose being popular? That's why Europeans visit Canada: wildlife, fishing, empty space. Be proud!
No one is spending holidays in Toronto anyway (last time I visited bars closed shortly after midnight) - Montreal's the place to be :-) (with apologies to the local pride of this audience)

[Uncle Zeke]

Hamit Altintop should have been the Turkish rep. on your all tournament team. He was the midfield engine that made them go and assisted on all their goals in the two big comeback wins. If Arshavin is on the team after missing multiple games then Germany's best midfielder over the past couple in Scweinsteiger should also have made the cut.

[Guelphdad]

Hey don't forget there's a moose parked out front of the Toronto Star press centre, complete with a Dick Beddoes hat and John Honderich bowtie!

Maybe there aren't lots of them but the city WAS overrun a while back.

Hope you enjoyed covering this entire tourney, reading the blog made me feel like I was part of the action!

Dave

[Krister]

the only good things about the end of this great tournament is that I don't have to endure the KIA commercials - the most horrid ever made. Hell will freeze over before I buy one of those cars after these 3 weeks.