Humour. The Swiss take.

Zurich, 4:03 p.m.

After three and a half weeks here, I believe I had the ur-Swiss experience this morning. Visited the Kunsthaus Museum for the second time since I've been here - the only air conditioned building in town, so well worth the 18 francs admission. Great museum, too, especially for the surplus of Giacomettis.

After purchasing our tickets, the sullen looking woman handing our change back to us said:

"Flight tickets will be one-third more for the remainder of the year."

I looked down at the change, realized it was what I'd expected back, and then up at her.

She said, slightly more irritated now and really enunciating each word, "Flight tickets will be one-third more for the remainder of the year."

"I'm sorry," I said, leaning in, sure I hadn't heard her right. "Flight tickets?"

Now she's really frustrated, blowing out her cheeks. In retrospect, I think she expected me to do the Swiss thing - which would have been to stare blankly, then turn away mutely. But I was confused and getting irritated at the fact that she seemed so irritated.

"Flight tickets. Are. One third. More. For. The remainder. Of. The year."

"Flight tickets. I don't understand what you mean by 'flight tickets'?" I said again.

"This is art," she said, goggling at me as if I'd just taken off my pants and started horse slapping my own ass around the lobby.

(Long, terrible silence. Staring contest. Nobody is going to break until - yes. Yes! - she blinks)

"This is part of the exhibition," she says, in a tone of voice one uses with an uncooperative pet. "It is the news of the day by the artist (blah-blah whatever his name was). It is meant to confuse and disturb you."

And then she laughed, which was even more jarring.

Confuse and disturb? Ding-ding-ding! Actually, it's a cool idea. But it sort of needs the right delivery. Listen-and-don't-ask-questions-you-moron is not the perfect way to deliver confusing and disturbing news, unless the artist's hoped-for outcome is a fistfight.

Somehow, I believe this entire encounter - in both content and tone - is everything you need to know about Switzerland. Forget Frommer's. Try confusion and disturbance.

C.K.

Comments

[navin]

C.K., you honestly make me want to visit Switzerland.

[Bob McDougall]

I like your comment on the CBC this morning: 'Switzerland is not a country it is a frame of mind'. I could not agree more. I lived there for a year (teaching skiing) and have never met a more sullen, rude and boring people in all my travels. It's a beautiful country - too bad about the population.

[Doug]

Bloody hell, I've not laughed this much at a blog post in a long while.