If Ya Gotta, Ya Gotta. But Leave Me Out of It.

VANCOUVER--Never been a fan of the NHL's Winter "Classic." Never will be.

So if you're thinking you've got a convert on your hands just because the team in the city where I spend most of my time, the Maple Leafs, is going to be in the 2013 version, no chance of that happening.

Not that I object to the Winter Classic on moral or philsophical grounds. It's just that I've always seen it for what it is rather than what the NHL tries to sell it as.

The league wants you to believe in this thing like the Easter Bunny. It wants you to believe this is an homage to a purer, simpler time when the game was played outdoors on rivers and lakes with cow patties and frostbitten fingers. It wants you believe in the mythology, and there are lots and lots of people in my business more than willing to spread the myth, to get the public to ingest this along with motherhood, apple pie and hockey in June.

Well, I don't know anybody who grew up playing in a stadium designed for other sports, although they did once play an NFL championship game at the now disappeared Chicago Stadium. So I'll never see this as getting back to any roots I recognize.

I see it as a way to use big football and baseball stadiums to make a big score, to get crowds twice as large or more than a regular NHL audience to pay ridiculous prices and buy seats from where you can't actually see the game and clamour to pay yet more for merchandise designed for that one game.

Then the game itself is a compromised bastardization of NHL hockey. Sometimes it is played in the rain, sometimes in the wind, always the ice is chipped and crappy and almost always the end product, the quality of the game, is sub-standard and essentially unwatchable. Never watched one from beginning to end. Seriously, other than being a coming out party for Mike Rupp, was there anything memorable at all about the Winter Classic played in Philly last month? And now they're dragging oldtimer games into the mix, re-packaging them as "alumni" contests. Ick.

The nicest thing I've ever been able to say about outdoor games is that they've sometimes struck a chord in individual markets, like Edmonton, and produced pretty pictures for television, like the year it snowed in Buffalo.

The worst thing I can say about them is that I still believe that forcing Pittsburgh and Washington to play late at night in the rain two years ago at Heinz Field was a contributing factor in the concussion/neck injury sustained by Sidney Crosby that still threatens to destroy his career. How the NHLPA just goes along with this stuff, permitting it's players to be put in a compromised work situation, is beyond me. Then again, this is a union that defends the right of players not to wear equipment that would protect their eyes.

Outdoor games, meanwhile, are gradually turning into a stale cliche. Everybody has them. Junior hockey. College hockey. Minor pro hockey. The NHL. You name the league and it is breathlessly announcing a plan to play a game without a roof. These football/baseball parks can't believe their good fortune as dates once dark in the middle of winter suddenly become filled.

The cliche will be taken to new heights in Detroit next year when all of those leagues play an outdoor game in a gigantic festival, most of them in Comerica Park in downtown Detroit - who didn't dream as a child of playing hockey outdoors in that bleak, scarred urban landscape? - with the Leafs and Red Wings skating at the Big House on the grounds of the University of Michigan on Jan. 1st.

That's the really big score. More than 100,000 fans coughing up their dough in tough economic times at absurd prices in a spectacular, brazen Ann Arbor shinny score that would make Harold Ballard blush.

Well, good for them, I guess. If people want to buy, they want to buy. The consumer is never wrong, I suppose. Then there's the more applicable P.T. Barnum, theory. . .

That there's finally a Canadian team involved is, at least, somewhat of a good thing, as NBC is forced to recognize the existence of teams in Canada. Or even teams other than the Wings, Hawks, Pens, Caps, Flyers, Bruins and Rangers.

But this game had to turn to the Leafs because they're one of the few franchises that offer a real opportunity to sell the record number of seats this game will try to sell. Moreover, this event, rather than expanding its scope, has shrunk, becoming mostly about the city in which it is played rather than something to appeal to a much larger, continental audience that was the original idea. Involving the Leafs, with that team's legions of supporters across the U.S. and Canada, may help accomplish that. The Wings, meanwhile, are similar, and probably the club most sellable in the southern U.S. for TV purposes.

The HBO 24/7 coverage is part of the deal, and goodness, isn't that what we need? Yet more coverage of the Leafs. The team with the league's least open dressing room suddenly bares its soul. The team with its own TV channel now purports to show it's subscribers what they're not already seeing. The team that believes it should be a Criminal Code offence to speak to the blood relations of any player now wants to invite the world into it's living room for an inside peek?

That said, people do seem to like this HBO coverage, completely fascinated as they are, apparently, by the notion that professional hockey players swear, and swear a lot, thus making it negligent parenting to allow a child under the age of 12 to watch. 

Now that's growing the sport and contributing to our culture, all in one enormous f-bomb.

Think about this, however. What if there's a lockout in the fall? What if that lockout stretches into December? Or later? Maybe this is a way of the league leaning on the union a little bit, putting more chips into the pile to try and motivate the players to cut a deal and avoid killing this particular payday.

Just a theory.

The battle for me will be trying to avoid having anything to do with this game. My boss might insist, as he does from time to time, and it will be difficult to fight back against the idea that Toronto's biggest newspaper needs to provide comprehensive coverage for it's readers.

But why force a guy who doesn't believe in the fairy tale to recite the fairy tale? Why invite an unrepentant Grinch to Christmas? Instead, how about Rosie? She's our franchise player, after all. Or that Feschuk guy might be free. Cathal's a much better writer than me and surely could capture the joy better. Zorro and McGran can easily provide the necessary reports and insight. Surely Doug Smith would love a break from the Raptors, plus it will allow him to realize his dream and work 365 straight days.

I'm gonna start my own ABC (Anybody But Cox) movement. Yeah, that's the ticket.

I'm thinking instead of an eco-trip to Costa Rica over the holidays and getting as far away as I can get.

Boss, are you listening? Boss, don't make me!

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Dean Collett]

I like you Damien... you are well spoken and have some very good insights on alot of matters. I must say though, you take life WAY too seriously, and sometimes you need to look at things for what they are. Hockey is a GAME.. and its meant to be FUN. What is not fun about the annual outdoor game? The players love it, the fans love it... which pretty much mutes your silly arguments against it. Oh, and the HBO thing... us fans do like it.. actually we LOVE it. It gives the players and coaches a human face. It is exactly that kind of access that made the UFC so popular (hence why boxing is now trying to do the same). I for one, cant wait to maybe get a glimpse of how Ron Wilson interacts with his players in the room. Relax.. its just a game!!

[neuroticdog]

I completely concur. After my initial bemusement (I may have actually watched one period of the first of these scams), I've never wasted my time since. There's absolutely nothing evocative of pond hockey or even road hockey (both of which I played in my youth) in these ridiculous spectacles. I can't begin to imagine freezing my ya-yas off enduring an entire game in the stands.

The whole concept is a farce. I suspect it will eventually go the way of the puck with the glowing faux vapor trail. Soon, I hope.

[Westmount Highlander]

Probably the most honest, accurate piece of journalism you've written in years. Bang on!

[DR - New jersey]

Damien,

While you are entitled to your opinion I could not disagree with you more. I went to the winter classic this year in Philly with my sons and it was a great experience in so many ways. Seeing the old-timers out for the alumni game was also wonderful and brought back memories of watching the game when I was a kid. Are you trying to get a rise out of your readers with this column or are your truly this jaded and cynical? Perhaps you can ask the Star to move you over to cover the ballet or opera if hockey has become a colossal bore for you.

[MacGregrrrr the Terrier-ist]

It's a shame they picked the Leafs to play in this one - fans will need either a passport or an "enhanced" driver's license just to get across the border - and it's unlikely they'll have another outdoor game closer to home with the Leafs playing in it. Oh, well ... there's always Nathan Phillips Square for us peons ..

[thewolfshead]

I'm pretty sure any fan with any sense about them understands it is a big marketing gimmick.

But for the people there, it's fun. So why wouldn't you want to go to something that is fun to be at?

[Dan]

Relax, Damien.

The Winter Classic is a needed coup for the NHL - something to help much-needed casual American fans get into the game. I understand your points about compromising the quality of the game, but of the big four North American sports, the NHL needs to rely on gimmicks more than any other sport in order to survive.

Name something memorable at the Winter Classic last month? Rupp's salute...Brayden Schenn's first goal...not to mention a thrilling final minute. Did you let your distaste for the event blind you to what was actually a pretty entertaining game?

The NHL is a big moneymaking outfit, and we're all a part of it - the fans who buy the jerseys, the bigwigs who want to sell more tickets, and the columnists paid good money to gripe about it all.

[dlogn]

You forgot how Vinay Menon could also do a better job reporting then you

[Hendrick]

Cox... What are you doing here, trying to get fired so you can lock down a full time TV gig....???

[Art]

Can always count on you Cox to expect the worst out of this league.

[Karan]

No one cares Damien, you won't be missed.

[Mark]

not gonna lie, Cox, you had me COMPLETELY on board until you started on the incredibly whiney "oh my god, our league is detroyed" ridiculous and insanely overdone Crosby rant....the Winter Classic had nothing to do with Criesby getting "hurt", and for the last time, who gives a flying "you know what" if grown men choose not to wear visors (i yearn for a return to the days when the general population knew how to skate and didnt go crying over every bump and scrape associated with a clean hit)...lets all accept that the NHL as a whole is a shameless marketing campaign, like everything else on this continent, but at least theyre playing hockey....do this country (this continent) a favour, gather up your whiney so-called hockey experts (mckenzie, pierre, et al), grow a set, and suck it up, or start covering swimming

[Jimbocho]

Classic. Couldn't agree with you more. the thing is a total sham. As for HBO 24/7, the thought of listening to Wilson diss reporters left and right is not my idea of entertainment. good luck getting out of the assignment.

[hoofheartz]

Quite ironic that you mention the fact that NHL players may be prone to the occassional f-bomb when you yourself can't respond to an email without using that particular expletive. You are right about one thing though, every writer at the Star would do a much better job than you and. Where do I sign up for the ABC movement?

[Switz]

As soon as I heard that the Leafs were going to be in the next Classic, I expected this garbage from you Cox. Do you even believe in the topics that you write about or is it a simple ruse to get attention? If you hate the NHL, and hockey and the Leafs soooo much, stop writing about them. You think we will all miss you?????

[Boff]

I disagree with most of this grumpy article, most particularly with the unfair characterization of Detroit. The downtown has been much improved -- dare I say revitalized -- by the location of Comerica and Ford Field, as well as the Greektown Casino, and a nice ecosystem of great restaurants and nightspots has sprung up.Of course, there has always been the stunning Fox Theatre, Detroit Opera House, and more, as well as Art Deco architecture that puts most of the phallic glass palaces of Toronto to shame.

I do agree that Rosie should cover the event...she's a national treasure.

[Brad]

How pessimistic!

[John O'Hara]

As infuriating it is to read articles about my team, the Leafs, that are written in such a bitter style and with obvious contempt for the club, it must be even more infuriating for you to be a sports reporter stuck in Toronto, having to report on the hockey team that you quite plainly hate more than anything.

Do you ever, EVER say anything positive about the Leafs? Wait, wait...let me answer that for you: no you don't.

[Glenburnie]

You've read my mind! The only thing 'classic' about hockey in a football stadium is how classically boring and inane it is. NHL hockey has become tedious, repetitious, and low-scoring enough as it is - not to mention barbaric and hopelessly outdated in its goon-mentality acceptance of fighting and other violent acts - without addind poor ice, impossible sight lines and dubious weather to the mix.

[elseldo]

cox is being a grump about this?

i am shocked. SHOCKED!

although I am disappointed that he couldn't work 1967 into the article.

Oh well, next time.

[A Facebook User]

If you want fun have Ottawa play on the canal next year.

[Mel Brown]

ABC? You've won the award for this column. How does a BMW sound?
Bitch, Moan and Whine.

[fullofit]

You want to bring back the flavour of old time hockey? Eliminate the endless commercials which destroy the natural flow of the game.That would truly be "classic" hockey.

[Eric]

typical Cox, cynical and cranky

[Don]

I'll even help pay for you to take that vacation Damien. A two week break in the middle of hockey season would do us all good. Bring on the Winter Classic, I love it.