If Ya Gotta, Ya Gotta. But Leave Me Out of It.

VANCOUVER--Never been a fan of the NHL's Winter "Classic." Never will be.

So if you're thinking you've got a convert on your hands just because the team in the city where I spend most of my time, the Maple Leafs, is going to be in the 2013 version, no chance of that happening.

Not that I object to the Winter Classic on moral or philsophical grounds. It's just that I've always seen it for what it is rather than what the NHL tries to sell it as.

The league wants you to believe in this thing like the Easter Bunny. It wants you to believe this is an homage to a purer, simpler time when the game was played outdoors on rivers and lakes with cow patties and frostbitten fingers. It wants you believe in the mythology, and there are lots and lots of people in my business more than willing to spread the myth, to get the public to ingest this along with motherhood, apple pie and hockey in June.

Well, I don't know anybody who grew up playing in a stadium designed for other sports, although they did once play an NFL championship game at the now disappeared Chicago Stadium. So I'll never see this as getting back to any roots I recognize.

I see it as a way to use big football and baseball stadiums to make a big score, to get crowds twice as large or more than a regular NHL audience to pay ridiculous prices and buy seats from where you can't actually see the game and clamour to pay yet more for merchandise designed for that one game.

Then the game itself is a compromised bastardization of NHL hockey. Sometimes it is played in the rain, sometimes in the wind, always the ice is chipped and crappy and almost always the end product, the quality of the game, is sub-standard and essentially unwatchable. Never watched one from beginning to end. Seriously, other than being a coming out party for Mike Rupp, was there anything memorable at all about the Winter Classic played in Philly last month? And now they're dragging oldtimer games into the mix, re-packaging them as "alumni" contests. Ick.

The nicest thing I've ever been able to say about outdoor games is that they've sometimes struck a chord in individual markets, like Edmonton, and produced pretty pictures for television, like the year it snowed in Buffalo.

The worst thing I can say about them is that I still believe that forcing Pittsburgh and Washington to play late at night in the rain two years ago at Heinz Field was a contributing factor in the concussion/neck injury sustained by Sidney Crosby that still threatens to destroy his career. How the NHLPA just goes along with this stuff, permitting it's players to be put in a compromised work situation, is beyond me. Then again, this is a union that defends the right of players not to wear equipment that would protect their eyes.

Outdoor games, meanwhile, are gradually turning into a stale cliche. Everybody has them. Junior hockey. College hockey. Minor pro hockey. The NHL. You name the league and it is breathlessly announcing a plan to play a game without a roof. These football/baseball parks can't believe their good fortune as dates once dark in the middle of winter suddenly become filled.

The cliche will be taken to new heights in Detroit next year when all of those leagues play an outdoor game in a gigantic festival, most of them in Comerica Park in downtown Detroit - who didn't dream as a child of playing hockey outdoors in that bleak, scarred urban landscape? - with the Leafs and Red Wings skating at the Big House on the grounds of the University of Michigan on Jan. 1st.

That's the really big score. More than 100,000 fans coughing up their dough in tough economic times at absurd prices in a spectacular, brazen Ann Arbor shinny score that would make Harold Ballard blush.

Well, good for them, I guess. If people want to buy, they want to buy. The consumer is never wrong, I suppose. Then there's the more applicable P.T. Barnum, theory. . .

That there's finally a Canadian team involved is, at least, somewhat of a good thing, as NBC is forced to recognize the existence of teams in Canada. Or even teams other than the Wings, Hawks, Pens, Caps, Flyers, Bruins and Rangers.

But this game had to turn to the Leafs because they're one of the few franchises that offer a real opportunity to sell the record number of seats this game will try to sell. Moreover, this event, rather than expanding its scope, has shrunk, becoming mostly about the city in which it is played rather than something to appeal to a much larger, continental audience that was the original idea. Involving the Leafs, with that team's legions of supporters across the U.S. and Canada, may help accomplish that. The Wings, meanwhile, are similar, and probably the club most sellable in the southern U.S. for TV purposes.

The HBO 24/7 coverage is part of the deal, and goodness, isn't that what we need? Yet more coverage of the Leafs. The team with the league's least open dressing room suddenly bares its soul. The team with its own TV channel now purports to show it's subscribers what they're not already seeing. The team that believes it should be a Criminal Code offence to speak to the blood relations of any player now wants to invite the world into it's living room for an inside peek?

That said, people do seem to like this HBO coverage, completely fascinated as they are, apparently, by the notion that professional hockey players swear, and swear a lot, thus making it negligent parenting to allow a child under the age of 12 to watch. 

Now that's growing the sport and contributing to our culture, all in one enormous f-bomb.

Think about this, however. What if there's a lockout in the fall? What if that lockout stretches into December? Or later? Maybe this is a way of the league leaning on the union a little bit, putting more chips into the pile to try and motivate the players to cut a deal and avoid killing this particular payday.

Just a theory.

The battle for me will be trying to avoid having anything to do with this game. My boss might insist, as he does from time to time, and it will be difficult to fight back against the idea that Toronto's biggest newspaper needs to provide comprehensive coverage for it's readers.

But why force a guy who doesn't believe in the fairy tale to recite the fairy tale? Why invite an unrepentant Grinch to Christmas? Instead, how about Rosie? She's our franchise player, after all. Or that Feschuk guy might be free. Cathal's a much better writer than me and surely could capture the joy better. Zorro and McGran can easily provide the necessary reports and insight. Surely Doug Smith would love a break from the Raptors, plus it will allow him to realize his dream and work 365 straight days.

I'm gonna start my own ABC (Anybody But Cox) movement. Yeah, that's the ticket.

I'm thinking instead of an eco-trip to Costa Rica over the holidays and getting as far away as I can get.

Boss, are you listening? Boss, don't make me!

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Peter]

Ok, Damien, is this mean we won't hear from you abou tthis any more?

[Ross Peterson]

Oh, Damien...it's clearly time to move on. Perhaps they can shift you over to soccer coverage, golf...how about curling? It's obvious that you've lost any passion that you might have once had for hockey, so make a move already! You don't like the hits, don't like the fights, outdoor hockey sucks, indoor hockey sucks, the equipment sucks, shootouts suck...move on already. The sad thing is that you've been granted a very special opportunity; an insight into a game and league that so many people love and adore...and you clearly hate the game. You're not doing yourself or your readers any service anymore, so it's time to shuffle off...seriously.

[christine]

Um .. lighten up and have fun. And, write in your graditude journal that you have a job that could afford you the opportunity to attend this event at all.

[Lewis McClain]

Good article Damian. It is on the money. This outdoor show is just P.T. Barnum stuff. 24/7 however is entertaining, and interesting to the ones of us that never get in the dressing room. I would also agree that Rosie is the franchise player.

[Ian]

The NHL is trying to sell the game, I don't see what the problem is here. The TV ratings are through the roof every year for this event, the stadiums are sold out, and the players love it.

Yes, it's not exactly back to the roots of hockey, but it is somewhat close. In the early days of the NHL, the games were played outside, in outdoor arenas. Yes, they were not nearly the size of outdoor stadiums now, but the idea is the same.

Damien, your rant comes across as a grumpy old man, who is looking for something to complain about for the sake of complaining. I really don't understand what there is not to like about this.

[Jim Moisse]

The laddy(sic) doth protest too much, methinks.

[LeafNationPlebian]

I started my own Anybody But Cox movement years ago...

[Tired-of-the-star's-garbage]

Damien, do you roll out of bed knowing that you are going to spend your day being an insufferable plague against all things fun and hockey related? Jeez man, how do you live with yourself? ...and all this crap about swearing in 24/7 prevent children from watching and whining about the NHLPA not enforcing visors and complaining about how rain played a role in crosby getting a concussion (really? Is that an established fact? I don't remember him sliding into the boards head first because of black ice, pretty sure he got hit the same way he could get hit in any regular season game). You should go work as a spokesperson for one of those Mothers Against (Insert any activity that is remotely fun)....just stop naysaying about the NHL, the leafs and the god damn players who are PROFESSIONALS and who have chosen to engage in an activity more dangerous than sitting on your ass and complaining about all things hockey related.

[Mark]

So you're not going to let yourself enjoy a highly enjoyable event, just because you want to prove to yourself that you're too smart to fall for hype?

I feel sorry for you sometimes, Damien.

[Andrew M. L. L.]

"Maybe this is a way of the league leaning on the union a little bit, putting more chips into the pile to try and motivate the players to cut a deal and avoid killing this particular payday.

Just a theory."

Translation: I'm not saying the Winter Classic is a giant labour negotiation conspiracy, but you gotta ask the question.

[80s Leafs]

Ha, liked the comment from "Hendrick" - is that from THE "Henny"? He must have been ticked that you didn't throw his nickname into that para with all the other "colloquial handles" for your other journalistic peers.
Neroticdog's comment about "nothing evocative of pond hockey" got me thinking: They should play without boards, just some snowbanks and/or haybales around the playing surface. that would improve the viewing appeal for those at the game, and make for some interesting play in the corners. Is Ty Conlkin still going to be a Wing next year? Hasn't he played in, like, all of these?

[cb]

take out winter classic and substitute "hockey" in general and i'm with you.

nothing is more embarrassing to me as a canadian abroad when someone yucks it up and asks me if i play hockey. what a joke. hockey has become a jingoistic pursuit in this country that has supplanted any real, meaningful endeavour. it's a shame.

basically hockey exists to give old fat white guys a job talking about hockey. endlessly. and uniformly they're all sub-literate buffoons. don cherry is ringmaster, but the rest of you double-talking goofs are in lockstep.

hockey. bah. what a joke. besides how can anyone talk a game seriously that pretends it scorns violence and then sets up highlight reels of fights and hits? really? how can anyone take a sport seriously that has the VAST majority of its goals scored when one team has more players on the ice than the other? what kind of contest is that? it's a bully contest. that's all it is. inelegant, dull, pugnacious and submental.

hockey is canadas's shame.

[Chuck]

Leave you out of the winter classic??? GOOD! You do nothing good for hockey.

[David Nash]

Hi Damien,
Completely agree with you. This is the biggest cash grab ever. People must be nuts to spend hard earned money on a game that is really hard to see. I hope the weather and ice conditions do not come into play as 2 points might be what is needed to make the playoffs. I can already here the whining if that ever happens.Can anybody say "we wuz robbed".

[Steve C.]

What would you have them do otherwise Damien?: Have them play with no painted lines; no boards; boots for goalposts?? Would that be more authentic for you? There is NOTHING wrong with trying to bring the game outside - it IS where we all started playing. In fact there is everything RIGHT about doing this. The fans like it, the players like it. It ain't perfect, but it's not for lack of trying. As for teams trying to sell more tickets and sell more merch - that's what pro sports are all about! Once again your inferiority complex is flaring up, you really should have that looked at.

[koho]

"listening to Wilson diss reporters" lawl. Obsessed much?

RW would surprise a lot of people, his sense of humour though I suppose may be to elevated for some.

I don't get too excited over the "Classic" itself, because to me it's just another game in a long NHL schedule. It seems to me Americans want to buy big, want to buy spectacle and Bettmans NHL has found a way to deliver it to them. The NHL is also being very opportunistic in filling out a dark day on the US sporting calender as not much else is going on. It is all about money and nothing about the history and innocence of the game. I'll watch the 24/7 if HBO does it again, becasue essentially it's the best part of the whole venture, unless of course the Leafs come out with the two points.

[Matt]

By this point, I'm as cynical as they come towards the NHL and their shameless marketing ploys, but you know what? I have to give credit where credit is due, and the annual Winter Classic is one of the few things the league has managed to do right over the last decade. Sure, it's still WAY over-hyped, like everything else the league does, but I can still appreciate it for what it is. How can a person call themselves a true hockey fan, and not take some pleasure from the sight of the game being played while snow is falling, players' breath is visible, and all you can hear is the sound of 70,000+ fans cheering in an open stadium? Last year's classic sucked because of the rain and miserable ice conditions, but I still think it's a fun event to watch, and a nice change of pace from the rest of the indoor NHL season.

[Dee]

Once again Damien shows why he is one of the finest sports writers in Canada. I agree that the Winter Classic is dangerous waste of time. It's all about money. I've also heard complaints that some of the players get vertigo and loose their spatial dimension perception because of the weather conditions and empty space around the temporary rink. It is not entertaining hockey and I think it's unfair to the 2 teams participating. Since the other 28 teams don't have to endure such a dangerous outdoor game. If 2 teams have to play an outdoor game then all 30 teams should also play an outdoor game too. Damien is right about Crosby's injury and I think it's time to cancel this nonsense (it's a cash grab).

[drumanchor]

Not a fan of the outdoor "Classic", either, but the NHL needs it. As for the higher prices charged for the game and the merchandise, let the people speak. If they don't like it - don't go. Eventually there is a ceiling on how much people are willing to spend to be entertained by professional athletes (i.e Bills in Toronto).

As far as visors go - I hate them. Hate them. I understand the need but as a fan, they look awful to me. If a player - a full grown adult, as someone wisely mentioned earlier mentioned - chooses not to wear them, why to all the sports journalists care?

The players don't. I don't. Damien shouldn't, either.

[Cox.Is.The.Worst.]

Boo Hoo. You cover hockey for a living. I'll trade you for my 9-5 any day, suck it up.

[a]

Damien, I think you're fantastic. And your blog is, well, your blog. But that piece was written entirely in the "key of me". You "see things for what they are"; the implication being that the rest of us don't. Come on. You're better than that. In general, I love your work. But this was a lecture from a know-it-all.

[Matt W]

I think we're all happy to leave you out of the fun, Cox. Hope to hear nothing more from you on the subject and with any luck the Star will let you have New Years Day off next year.

[G]

About time you got one right. Made me rethink wanting to go. Now I'll just get the tickets from a seat owner & resell them at ridiculous prices like the ACC does.

[Chris]

Even when I disagree with you, I still enjoy your work Mr. Cox. I hope for your sake you don't have to cover it. But if you do, please don't complain the entire time.

Also, I actually like the 24/7 series and it's not because they swear. But thanks for being so condescending. I find it fascinating to see how the players and coaches interact in practices, the dressing room, during games etc. For me, it's very interesting when they actually start to talk strategy and philosophy on the game. But unlike you, I'm not exposed to that regularly through my job.

[Jani7]

Must be nice Coxie, to whine about not wanting to do a part of what most people would consider a dream job, covering sports for a living.
Trade ya jobs?