OPEN WIDE - THIS WON'T HURT A BIT

Ouch. According to a survey of North American travellers, 30 per cent of us would rather go to the dentist that have a two-hour layover.

Personally, I LIKE my dentist and floss fairly regularly, so I wouldn't sweat it. But there isn't much worse than a long layover at a dumpy airport, so it's understandable.

The survey, released Nov. 12 by Travelocity.ca and IgoUgo.com, also found that a shocking 36 per cent of travellers spend their layovers eavesdropping on other people's conversations.  (I'd worry about it myself but, personally, I don't say much that's very interesting.)

As well, and this is the best part, 53 per cent of folks admitted they do things they normally wouldn't when confronted with a long layover, including:

- kissing strangers (again, this never happens to me)

- sponge bathing in the washroom (you know who you are)

- Sleeping in the children's playroom (what, that's the quietest spot they could find?)

- Assuming a false identity (likely with someone of the opposite sex, we  suspect)

Travellers also were asked to name their favourite airports for layovers. Las Vegas, in a shocking development, came out first, followed by Atlanta and Denver. (Personally, I'd take Denver).

Asked for their favourite non-U.S. of A. layover airports, London Heathrow came out first, followed by Amsterdam Schiphol and Paris Charles de Gaulle. Vancouver was sixth; the only Canadian airport to make the list.

Vancouver deserves it. Toronto's is okay at best, but in Vancouver there's a giant aquarium and a little river running through one of the terminals and it's a great place to unwind after paying the fee for your overweight luggage/second bag/second armrest.

ISLAND GREEN ... FOR LESS GREEN

TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., is offering great holiday rates this season, thru Dec. 30. Starting at $405 U.S. per person, you can stay three nights at Sawgrass Golf Resort & Spa, a Marriott Resort, receive a one-hour instruction from the professionals at the award-winning TOUR Academy and play two rounds on Dye’s Valley Course and one round on the famed THE PLAYERS Stadium Course and at TPC Sawgrass.

Call PGA TOUR Experiences at 888-421-8555 or visit www.pgatourexperiences.com. The deal is based on double occupancy, but you can always bring some person you met during an airport layover.

FINGER LAKES

The folks down in the Finger Lakes area of New York say they've got something for everyone this holiday season; events, shopping, wineries, parades and lodging for all budgets. Check out Waterloo Premium Outlets in Waterloo, NY or Carousel Mall in Syracuse for brand-name bargains or wander through boutiques and antique shops in Aurora or Skaneatles. You can go to www.tourcayuga.com for more information.

WILD WILD WEB

Boy, I get tons of emails every week from folks offering up new websites. Aside from making me think that this Internet thing might just catch on after all, it's interesting to see the different business folks are trying to make money on. One that came across my desk computer screen the other day was for something called www.motorhomeholidayswap.com, where people can, you guessed it, arrange to swap motorhomes in various countries. It makes perfect sense, especially when you consider the popularity of folks who switch homes for their vacation.

Of course, one has to be careful. When I was a kid living in the suburban wilds of San Francisco (Castro Valley, to be exact, and, no, it's not named after Fidel Castro and we didn't grow artichokes like they do in Castroville near Monterey but thanks for asking) we swapped homes with a high-falutin' doctor on Maui. We had a nice house with a great view but it was 22 miles from San Francisco. The Maui place was a block from the beach; not quite a fair swap.