IS THAT AN ELEPHANT IN YOUR PANTS?
The Telegraph in the U.K. put together an absolutely classic list of dumb complaints (are there any other kind?). And it's absolutely fabulous reading.
The list starts off with a doozy; a guy who went on his honeymoon to Africa and spotted an elephant in full erectile glory. Apparently he complained to his travel agent that the size of the animal's, ahem, instrument made him feel inadequate. It's not clear if he wanted his money back or just a discount for his next purchase of Cialis.
Another favourite was a woman who said topless sunbathing should be banned because she went to a beach with her husband and he "spent all day looking at other women."
Also, the rubes (from somewhere where stupidity is especially invasive) who bought a pair of $9 "Ray-Ban" sunglasses from some guy on a street and then discovered - oh, the shock - that they WERE NOT AUTHENTIC RAY-BANS!!!!!!!!
Of course, there were a few good ones about people going to foreign countries who found them to simply be, well, not as much like home as they would've liked. (This brings to mind the great Monty Python travel agent skit where the British tourists go south and insist on Watney's Red Barrel and get offended by fat Germans in tiny bathing suits, but we digress). One person told their travel agent that "there are too many Spanish people" in the country they went to. "The receptionist is Spanish," they wrote. "The food is Spanish. There are too many foreigners."
Finally, my personal favourite complaint: "It took nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It only took the Americans three hours." Yeah, that damned Atlantic Ocean will get you every time.
It's almost baseball season. Check out Star Travel on Saturday for a great piece from Muhammad Lilla on the Louisville Slugger museum in, well, Louisville, Kentucky.
There are new ballparks for both New York teams this year, so baseball enthusiasts can put those down on their itineraries. And don't forget the old reliables like Wrigley Field in Chicago and Fenway Park in Boston; both awesome places to catch a ballgame.