Holly Madison's Peep Show in Las Vegas...Sex & City/Star Wars slot machines

LAS VEGAS - Checked out Peep Show with Holly Madison at Planet Hollywood Casino last night. I wouldn’t call it wholesome, but it’s hardly scandalous. There was a mild amount of topless dancing and plenty of gyrating and all that, but it was pretty tame compared to shows you’d see in Canada or the U.S. on cable TV.

And it actually had some fun bits and decent dancing. Not Broadway or anything, but pretty good. There were lots of couples in the audience (maybe half-full on a Tuesday night); almost entirely couples, actually. I only spotted a couple groups of guys, and none of them in a raincoat.

The audience participation was the best part. They called three guys up on stage to, well, touch Holly’s best-known assets as part of one of the numbers. One guy was from Boston and couldn’t explain what he did for a living. The other guy could only reply “Mexico” to about anything he was asked. The third guy was a mild, good-looking personal trainer named, wait for it, Timber. Or so he said.

This prompted a few jokes about falling trees and the participant’s inventory of wood, as you can imagine.

He was asked if he was drinking a “cocktail” and replied, “No, it’s a beer.” Turns out it was Bud Light. They were serving Hawaiian lager in the lobby, one of them called LONGBOARD. Would’ve been a great response for him in the double entendre department, but oh well.

The “Peep Diva” who ran the show on stage, complete with fishnets and a killer body, asked Timber (really?) if he’d ever touched a woman’s breasts.

“Not in front of my mom,” he said, looking out into the crowd.

This caused a roar from the actors and the audience, and it was actually quite endearing. They ended up stripping him to a pair of powder-blue boxers back stage, then brought him out and tied him to a bed while girls sang a song called “Pink” and danced and writhed around him; in their undies, not nekkid or anything.

Holly then came out and splashed pink paint all over the poor guy, who was already red in the face as they popped pink cotton candy in his mouth and poured champagne over his underwear.

It sounds a bit raunchy but it was pretty clean, really. And at the end of the skit, Timber got himself a handful of Holly, then turned and waved to his mom.

Not everyone’s D cup of tea, and really not mine. But I wanted to see the sexy side of Vegas one night, so that was my night. And I left halfway through to come back to the hotel and type up some notes. So I’m still on Santa’s good list, I hope.

I had a chance to check out more of the strip during another cold and blustery day, wandering through Excalibur, Luxor and Mandalay Bay and its aquarium, which is decent entertainment for the kids. I had hoped to do the rollercoaster at New York, New York but there wasn’t time. Excalibur overdoes it on the “King Arthur” stuff – they have a Canterbury wedding chapel - but I guess that’s part of the appeal for some folks.

At Mandalay I spotted a slot machine with the Star Wars logo and immediately thought, “George Lucas, shame on you.” I also saw several “Sex and the City” machines where you try to get as many Carrie or Samantha images or purses or shoes or Mr. Big's in a row, and at least one machine called “Cougar-licious.” Sigh.

I'm flying out of Vegas today. Great planning, Jim. The busiest travel day of the year in the U.S. and a day when everyone wants to protest the new American TSA security measures, meaning the body scanners.

I wrote a column with the headline “shut and get scanned already” earlier this year and got walloped with hate mail. So I’ll be keeping a close eye out today, for sure…..

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