Miami residents most vain in U.S. - Cleveland is bald, fat and ugly (they think)

I absolutely LOVE this survey.

Yeah, I know, there are bigger things to worry about today, such as Rick Santorum versus Mitt Romney and Canada's world junior hockey team. But you gotta love the Living Social Vanity Survey that came out the other day, asking about everything from what American cities have the most bald guys to which have residents that get the most liposuction.

The survey found that the cities topping the "You're So Vain" category were Miami, Chicago, Atlanta, Philadelphia (!!) and Phoenix. You might think L.A., home of swimmin' pools and movie stars, would be at the top but the city actually finished sixth.

Miami residents gave themselves an average ranking of 7.23 on a "good-looking scale" of 1-10. Chicago was at 6.9257, followed by Atlanta at 6.7562.

The most insecure cities? MInneapolis/St. Paul was 16th out of 20 U.S. cities in the survey, followed by Denver, Detroit, Dallas (a surprise to me given Texans' reputation as braggarts) and, drum roll please, Cleveland. Detroit gave itself a 6.055 mark in looks out of 10, with Dallas down at 6.0348 and poor Cleveland at a woeful 5.6617.

If you dig a little deeper into the survey, you can find all sorts of interesting things about particular cities. I chose to look at Cleveland as I actually think it's a decent place to visit, with good restaurants and cool architecture downtown, not to mention a nice ballpark.

Maybe it's due to NBA star LeBron James deserting the city's Cavaliers for, um, the Miami Heat (isn't that interesting), but it seems Cleveland folks don't think much of themselves. In fact, if you look at the survey and had any interest at all in checking out Cleveland, you'd probably want to rebook for a weekend in nearby Toledo. I mean, my God, folks in Cleveland make it sound like the entire city is filled with unattractive, badly dressed, bald, unathletic stinky people with too much body hair and way too many rolls of fat.

Think I'm exaggerating? How about this? Asked if men in their city were handsome, only 29 per cent of Clevelanders said yes. That's 17th among the 20 major cities in the survey. On the matter of folks being overweight, Cleveland was 18th of 20. Men in my city are bald? Cleveland said that applied to 20 per cent of folks, good for 18th on the list. Asked if people in town dress badly, Cleveland said that applied to a full 18 per cent of folks; 18th out of 20 cities surveyd. Asked if folks have bad personal hygiene, Cleveland came 18th of 20 with a 15 per cent mark. Cleveland was 20th in terms of having athletic residents and dead last in the category "women in my city are beautiful."

On the other hand, even with LeBron James having left, only 15 per cent of folks said men in Cleveland are short. That's 13th out of 20 cities. So, the men may be ugly and bald and a little chubby, but at least they can reach the oatmeal on the top shelf of the kitchen cupboard.

Other Cleveland notables? The city was 19th in terms of breast implants, 19th on laser hair removal/waxing, 20th in liposuction, 20th in hair colouring and 20th in manicures/pedicures. Great for Halloween, I guess.

There's actually some really, really great stuff in here. Asked if women in their city were beautiful, D.C. topped the charts with 57.54 per cent answering "yes." Most impressive. Next was Houston (those Texas braggarts finally appear) at 55.82, followed by Chicago at 55.75 (of course, Michelle Obama is  now in D.C.). At the bottom of the "beautiful women" rankings were Sacramento (33.45 per cent), Denver (33.06) and, yes, Cleveland (30.82; barely half the hot babes in Washington D.C.).

More a fan of good-looking guys? Check out Atlanta, where 47.82 per cent of folks said men are handsome. Next was Chicago at 44.17, then Houston (43.46). At the bottom of the gene pool for good-looking guys? Seattle at 28.69, Denver at 28.50 and Sacramento at 23.41. Must be something in the air out west, I guess.

Not surprisingly, L.A. folks said they know of more people who've had liposuction, a nose job or breast implants in the past year. In New York, however, they led the way with hair transplants and lip enhancements. I never thought New Yorkers had trouble with their lips, but there you go.

Most bald guys? That would be Washington D.C., but what would you expect from a bunch of politicians and lobbyists? Worst for hygiene? Again, Sacramento. Most tattoos? Phoenix. Most overweight people? Philadelphia. Most short guys? Miami.

Like I said, great stuff. Now, if they could only do a survey for Canada....