Tips for a March break driving holiday (don't sit on a donut) ... Rio is Deal of Day

 Lots of folks offering advice on driving south during the March Break talk about taking it slow and providing treats and reading material or movies for the kids to watch as you navigate the jaw-dropping scenery of southern Ohio. You know that, unless of course you’re one of those horrible parents who get on airplanes and expect their children to be entertained by themselves and therefore cause the rest of the passengers to suffer for hours while Little Junior pounds the seat in front of him and screams for anything to eat but a $9 Subway sandwich wrapped in plastic with too much icky sauce. 

No, what you need is tips from a seasoned travel person who’s made the joyous minivan voyage himself many times. And lived to tell the tale. So here a few:

1. Most important rule of all is this: avoid Atlanta at rush hour. If you must go through the City Too Busy to Hate (I call it the City With a Million Streets Called Peachtree Because They Have No Imagination and Stole the 1996 Summer Olympics From Toronto), be sure to do it at 3 a.m. Or at least avoid anything close to rush hour. Unless you want to expose your children to an entirely new vocabulary.

2. Do not leave your child’s doll in the Econo-Lodge outside Pittsburgh when you take the Pennsylvania route south. If you do, call the hotel immediately and ask them to put the doll aside. When you come back through, pick up Baby Sarah and explain to your daughter that Sarah also had a vacation, albeit at the bottom of a box in a dark closet and not at the beach.

3. Cheap out at least one night and rent a dump. Our family’s fondest (well, most-told) hotel story regards an absolute trashy joint in south Georgia, with cigarette burns in the moldy bedspread and clumps of hair and a wet towel in the bathtub. We all slept in our clothes. On top of the bed. With the windows open and the car keys in the ready position. Nobody remembers the perfectly adequate Courtyard Marriott in Chattanooga, but we all recall the horrible details of this one spot near Tifton.

4. If you must stop at Krispy Kreme for a donut, be sure to warn your wife that it’s sitting on the front seat before she plops down and squashes into a pile of oozy grease that seeps through the fabric of the seat. And her pants. This is not a look women seem to enjoy.

5. Do NOT attempt to save money by renting a single hotel room in Orlando for $60 for your wife and three kids and telling your six-year-old daughter she can sleep on a bed made of two small chairs tucked together. She will be squished into a pretzel and remember this when she’s 25 and hold you responsible.

6. Leave your watch at home. You won’t need it. Why? Because every 20 minutes (on the dot, I swear) your oldest son will reach across the pile of books and DVD’s in the back seat and slug his little brother in the arm. You can count on it. You can then explain to your confused wife that this is perfectly harmless and it’s what boys do and that you can’t explain it and that the bruising on the youngest son’s arm should go away in four to six months. Seven, tops.

7. Listen to whatever music you want, even if the kids say they hate it. Within 10 years they’ll like Blue Rodeo almost as much as you do. Maybe.

8. If you take your kids into a Wal-Mart in Kentucky, explain to them before you go that your grandmother was born near Louisville and that it is NOT polite to make fun of the employees’ accents.

9. If your son breaks his leg skiing the week before your planned ski trip to New Hampshire, a driving trip to Florida isn’t a bad consolation prize. And by parading said son in front of your family and putting on tremendously sad faces at the Magic Kingdom you’ll get sent to the front of the line and get to go down Splash Mountain 17 times in your first hour in the park.

10. Did I mention Atlanta?

JAUNT.CA DEAL OF THE DAY: RIO DE JANEIRO

Jaunt.ca, a division of Torstar, has a deal on tap for a 10-day tour of Rio de Janeiro Brazil, including air, for $2,850, including $325 in taxes.

Jaunt Highlights

• BONUS: Includes 2 Half-Day Tours of Rio de Janeiro - half-day in Sugarloaf and half-day in Corcovado
• 10-day/7-night Rio Getaway in Brazil, featuring an authentic Brazilian Churrascaria dinner and samba show, a cog-train ride through Tijuca Forest, visits to Saint Sebastian Cathedral, the beaches of Copacabana, and more! 
• Includes return airfare from Toronto, Montreal or Ottawa to Sao Paulo onboard Air Canada, and domestic flight from Sao Paulo to Rio de Janeiro. Round-trip airport transfers included.
• 7 nights' accommodation in 3-Star hotel in Copacabana area. Based on double occupancy.
• Includes 7 breakfasts and 1 authentic Brazilian dinner
  
  

• You'll have ten days to explore the city indepth
• Enjoy a cable car ride up to the top of Sugarloaf Mountain
• Visit the world renowned beaches of Copacobana and Ipanema

Offer Details

• Valid for travel on any date between August 11 and September 15, 2013 (based on availability)
  If desired date is not listed on our booking page, call 1-855-687-5925 to book!
• Pricing (Rates are per person, and based on double occupancy):
  
  $2525 + $325 tax
• Valid passport required for travel from Canada
• Hotel included to be confirmed at time of booking
• This offer is refundable until 5PM EST on January 23, 2013. After that time, this offer is 100% non-refundable