Please leave your bombs in your car

PRETORIA - A great deal has been written, some of it in this space, about security at this World Cup. It's basically non-existent, which suits me fine.

But it's been rolling in like the tides - different procedures for different stadiums on different days, presumably depending on who's had what rocket fired up what behind owing to something written in the press. Or who's on strike.

Chris Young and I made the hour-long drive up the N1 to Pretoria this morning for the Germany press conference prior to their grudge match against Ghana.

There was a lovely, young fellow manning the metal detector on the way into the Media Centre. He was giving out one of those running patters they love in American airports, though without any of the heavy-handedness and haranguing that make that sort of thing so unbearable State-side.

"Cellphones, car keys, pens - out on the table," he said. "Guns, bombs, out on the table."

Er, sorry?

We laid our jackets out on a table alongside the metal detector, where they went completely unchecked. Then we walked through the metal detector and on in to the media centre.

A few minutes later, I went back to the car to get something. A German TV crew was standing in front of me at the metal detector on the way back in.

"Cellphones, car keys, pens," the security guy sang. "Jackets over here. Guns, bombs."

"I have to put my jacket off?" said one confused looking German.

"Do you have any guns or bombs in it?" the security guy wondered.

A long, pained look from the German, who probably expected a good, strong baton-ing at any moment.

"No," he finally said.

"Then leave your jacket on."

C.K.

Predictions: Day 12

France (0-1-1 W-D-L) vs South Africa (0-1-1), 10 a.m. ET

This French team, more midnight Folies Bergere show than vintage Les Bleus, has almost left town, a few days after Nicolas Anelka. And after their mutiny at training on Sunday, will they show up here? Both sides need goals, and a victory by either Mexico or Uruguay in their game, to keep their hopes alive. Bafana Bafana gets 'keeper Khune back. A moral victory? France look ripe for the picking.

Prediction: France 1, South Africa 3

Mexico (1-1-0) vs Uruguay (1-1-0), 10 a.m. ET

Uruguay's Diego Forlan has been one of the best players at this tournament so far. Mexico has been one of the more pleasing sides here, loaded with young talent, but forward Carlos Vela is likely to miss out with an injury. Uruguay gets promising young (21) midfielder Nicolas Lodeiro back. A draw puts them both through, with Uruguay holding the edge on goal differential. Sounds about right.

Prediction: Mexico 1, Uruguay 1

Greece (1-0-1) vs Argentina (2-0-0), 2:30 p.m. ET

Argentina is cruising, while Greece grabbed some life with a comeback win over South Korea. Don't expect a letup, with a win guaranteeing top spot in the group – it would be a “sin” to rest Lionel Messi, said coach Diego Maradona. Messi hasn't scored yet, but has been all over the place. That should end today. Greece will fight hard, but on form and at this stage this Argentina and especially Messi looks irresistible.

Prediction: Greece 1, Argentina 2

Nigeria (0-0-2) vs South Korea (1-0-1), 2:30 p.m. ET

Nigeria have been a big disappointment – even their fans' green and white painted chickens have been refused entry to the stadiums here - while South Korea's bright start was erased by a masterclass lesson from Argentina. Still, the Super Eagles are alive and can advance with a win, and an Argentine win. They'll miss suspended midfielder Sani Kaita, sent off in their last. Koreans are slight favourites on the odds board; this is a tough one to figure out but we'll go with a mild upset.

Prediction: Nigeria 1, South Korea 0

Italy training

IRENE, South Africa

The day after a bruising 1-1 draw with New Zealand, Italy were back in training this morning at Southdowns College just south of Pretoria. Some images:

First to arrive: Coach Marcello Lippi, rolling out the balls bocce-style.

Goalkeeper Marchetti, assistant Paolo Bertelli, Cannavaro, Marchisio and Chiellini jog around the perimeter.

Andrea Pirlo took part, but spent most of it on the edges. Typical pose here, and don't expect to see him play any role in the Azzurri's final group game against Slovakia on Thursday. Lippi: "That's the first time in 15 days he's touched the ball."

Lippi did a press conference later at nearby Cornwall Hill College, transformed into Casa Azzurri for the tournament and just a long free kick away from the U.S. training base. Apart from a trio of us Canadian reporters very nearly walking in to have coffee with Fabio Cannavaro before the training - the last sentinel stopped us - there was very little news of note. Pirlo's back in training, but he's almost certainly still out. Lippi doesn't anticipate making changes - but wouldn't say publicly even if he was inclined that way.

  

Leave the vuvuzela. Bring the pitchfork.

JOHANNESBURG – Frank Lampard wants you to know that security around England has not been breached.

Well, there was that guy who wandered into the English dressing room to give someone a little talking to after the Algeria game, but that’s not what he means.

Lampard wants to assure the world that there are no rats in the locker room.

Welcome to the newest thing at the World Cup – witchhunts.

After the humiliating tie in Cape Town, former captain John Terry let slip that the squad was looking to have a little talk with manager Fabio Capello. From the sound of it, not quite ‘screw you, you son of a whore,’ but something close.

Today, Lampard put his hands up in the air and did that ‘calm down’ thing, which works with just about everyone but a pack of frothing journalists.

“It wasn’t the case (that the players had angry talks with Capello), but I can understand where John (Terry) is coming from,” Lampard said nonsensically. “You have up and down moments and people try to find different factions, but that’s not the case, there are no factions in the camp.”

In essence, Lampard is saying that John Terry broke the omerta of the dressing room, but they’re going to take care of it in house. Something about a fish wrapped in newspaper.

Inside the French camp, they’re in full-on mole-hunting mode.

Somebody told the French press about Nicolas Anelka’s angry tirade against manager Raymond Domenech at halftime of their loss to Mexico. Once that foul-mouthed cat was out of the bag, the French football association felt compelled to boot Anelka off the squad.

Now the team is pushing people up against walls and wondering, “Was it you, Philippe?”

Yesterday, star midfielder Franck Ribery said the team was actively hunting the “traitor” who had gone to the press.

One imagines the same sort of thing – but far uglier – may be going on inside the North Korean camp after their humiliating 7-0 loss to Portugal on Monday. Nobody scores seven in a game. Unless there’s a rat in the kitchen.

Or unless the opponent isn’t very good – but why let that spoil a good time?

C.K.

On the (terrifying) Road

Dear Boss,

How are you? I'm fine. Thanks for asking.

Just wanted to let you know to expect a new expense sheet from me when I get home. In addition to my journalistic duties, I have also been seconded as the staff chauffeur for the entire Canadian press corps. Yes, I know. It's a heady responsibility, and far more difficult than writing, but I think I'm ready to take this important step in my career progression.

Why was I chosen? I haven't talked this over at any length with the other guys, but I think it's got something to do with being stupid and ... maybe just stupid.

As you may have heard, the South African roads resemble Mad Max. Or Escape From New York. Sort of half-Mad Max, half-Escape from New York.

First, everybody else on the road is insane. Or, at least, drives as if they are. 'Lane integrity' means nothing to these people. Probably because large sections of the highway have no lanes painted on them.

Second, many of their cars are not what we would consider road worthy. Nor are their driving practices. This occurred to me when we passed a hubcap-less miniature pick-up truck going 120 kph with a pair of matresses stacked on top of the bed. With two guys lying on the mattresses.

Made the long drive to Nelspruit yesterday with Morris Dalla Costa of the Sun papers - four hours in, four hours out. The four hours in were fine. The four hours out felt like four hundred years.

What's the road to Nelspruit like? Pretty. Morris and I agreed that it looked like the Alberta Badlands. If the Alberta Badlands were on fire. From the smokey haze covering the road for all of 350 km, everything on the way to Nelspruit appeared to be on fire.

On the way home, we passed eight - eight - roadside grass fires. Not little, contained fires. These were grass-based forest fires licking the pavement. Any one of them would have caused a 25 km back-up in Toronto and prompted a Royal Commission. Here, nobody took any notice. Who are these grass firebugs? Or is lightning a serious problem?

Eventually, Morris remarked offhandedly, "Oh, there's something you don't see in Africa every day ...something's on fire."

There was also the problem of directions. Our colleague at the Globe, Johannesburg-based Geoff York, advised us to get a GPS while here. Maybe we could give Geoff a little something-something out of the Star slush fund, because that may have been the most valuable advice anyone's ever given me. South Africa's roads were apparently designed by the same guy who put together the Minotaur's place. Nothing makes any sense, and everything involves a 360 degree on-ramp.

Nelspruit undertook a series of improvements ahead of the World Cup. How nice. Sadly, they didn't finish any of them. At one point, our GPS simply ran out of road. Ahead of us, twenty other carloads of people using GPS started making simultaneous, panicked u-turns. It look a little like the Golden Gate Bridge scene out of The Day After Tomorrow.

Morris and I, being experienced Africa hands now, proceeded calmly, counting on the GPS lady to adjust her way out of the problem. Then the highway ended. Just ended. At one point, there was highway. At the next point, there was a 20 foot high wall of dirt. The road was paved and marked right up to and under the wall of earth.

The four hours on the road in the pitch dark were exciting. Especially when people without working headlights or taillights begin trying to overtake at wild speed on an unlit two-lane highway. That concentrated my attention somewhat. Or when the guy pulled over to the shoulder and attempted to make an unsignalled u-turn while fleets of cars whizzed by at 155 kph. That was interesting as well.

Did I tell you we ran out of gas? 

Well, not quite. But I admit getting a little impatient at one gas station because all the pumps are attendant-serviced, and there were no attendants. So everybody just sat there waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I lost my head - and drove away. Yes, it was foolish. Morris reminded me. 

And suddenly we were on the middle of the pitch-black highway with the fuel warning blinking and Morris starting to emit a low growl like a cat that's sensed a ghost. 

But just as we began to mentally prepare ourselves for our nude corpses to be discovered at sunrise on the roadside, we managed to pull into a 24-hour place and refill. So we're still alive.

For now.

I'm going to really appreciate that bonus.

All the best,

Cathal

Predictions: Day 11

Portugal (0-1-0 W-D-L) vs North Korea (0-0-1), 7:30 a.m. ET

This could get interesting, at least in a competitive sense if not in terms of goals, after Portugal opened with a cagey 0-0 against Ivory Coast and North Korea gave Brazil a run. Midfielder Deco has gone from questioning coach Carlos Queiroz, to issuing a mea culpa, to injured and out of the lineup. Koreans are 9-to-1 underdogs to win this. Tough call, but they won't quit and Portugal camp doesn't sound quite right.

Prediction: Portugal 1, North Korea 1

Chile (1-0-0) vs Switzerland (1-0-0), 4 p.m. ET

Swiss' shocking upset of Spain has turned this group upside down. Now they face a similarly slick, attacking Chile side without lumbering central defender Phillipe Senderos. At least Alexandre Frei is back in training and available. Look for Swiss to absorb pressure and try and hit back on the counter. Hey, it worked well the first time around. Twice?

Prediction: Chile 1, Switzerland 0

Spain (0-0-1) vs Honduras (0-0-1), 2:30 p.m. ET

“It's not a disaster if we don't get out of the first phase,” the Spanish FA president says. Come again? The pre-tournament favourites looked jaded in their opener against Swiss, but they should be primed to snap out of it here. Fernando Torres should start, and we may even see Cesc Fabregas, while influential Andres Iniesta is sidelined. Honduras will defend, but they look up against it here.

Prediction: Spain 2, Honduras 0

Predictions: Day 10

Slovakia (0-1-0 W-D-L) vs. Paraguay (0-1-0), 7:30 a.m. ET

Paraguay stymied Italy in a famous first game draw. A win here puts it in excellent position to top Group F and avoid Netherlands in the Round of 16. The Slovaks will be kicking themselves for giving up an injury-time equalizer to New Zealand. That letdown shows the inexperience of the European debutants, while Paraguay should continue South America’s excellent run here in Africa.

Prediction: Paraguay 2, Slovakia 1

Italy (0-1-0) vs. New Zealand (0-1-0), 10 a.m. ET

New Zealand was supposed to be the palate cleanser of this tournament, washing the first round out of the mouths of better teams before the real meal in the knockout rounds. But the club surprised in its first game, earning a draw with Slovakia. Italy has been busy tearing itself apart after a turgid first effort against Paraguay. With respect to the Kiwis, here’s the cure for what ails them.

Prediction: Italy 2, New Zealand 0

Brazil (1-0-0) vs. Ivory Coast (0-1-0), 2:30 p.m. ET

First glamour match from the Group of Death may feature Didier Drogba and his broken elbow from the beginning. Africa’s best hope looked sluggish in the opener against Portugal. The Brazilians, playing in frigid cold, managed expectations and the ball against a manly North Korean side. Look for the Brazilian class to show here against a team forced to move forward.

Prediction: Brazil 3, Ivory Coast 1