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07/24/2013

It's a baby! Will and Kate produce a royal heir

Royal baby blog
 Prince William and his wife Kate gave the world its first glimpse of their new baby on Tuesday. The yet unnamed boy is third in line to the British throne. Photo by Reuters: John Stillwell

So, we’re all agreed then. Will & Kate had a good heir day.

But deep down, don’t we find it just a tad predictable? After all, a baby is a baby, and even a seasoned hack can run out of words for “cute.”

So here are some more entertaining possibilities that the palace spin doctors could have spun – but unfortunately missed the royal yacht.

1. Baby X: Now that girls and boys have equal opportunity for the throne, why not conceal its sex and declare it a Generic Baby, like Toronto parents Kathy Witterick and David Stocker. They all look alike anyhow, for at least two or three years. (Now that the cat is out of the Gucci bag, though, they could go for gender-neutral upbringing by dressing him in pink.)

2. God save the Queen: queens are generally more popular than kings in the British royal line – just look at Elizabeth I, Victoria and the present monarch. Even the late Queen Mum warmed more hearts than her crowd-shy husband. So – acts of Parliament aside -- why not say “thank you very much, but this one’s the spare and we’re waiting for a girl?”

3. Name game: who says the royal princeling has to be called George, Charles, Edward or James? If you look a little lower down the family tree there’s Egbert,  Ethelstan, Canute and his achingly hip Danish grandpa Harald Bluetooth!  Go for it.

4. Adios mother lovers: It’s been fun, really it has, and Kate is the toast of the town. But everyone knows the Queen will be on the throne for at least another 20 years. So why not skip all those time-wasting years of speech-making and ribbon-snipping and announce that Prince What’s His Name will be declared king on his 21st birthday, and we’re off to live it up in the South of France?

Olivia Ward was European bureau chief based in London from 1997--2002

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